A Day in the Life of Beornegar Redbeard Fightmaster

     This morning, I did not wake up. I never wake up. I never sleep. I simply become more aware of my surroundings after leaving an almost trance-like state. After I 'awoke', as you boring people would call it, I started my daily mission of being myself. In short, I go about being the most awesome thing ever to grace the Rockies. Before eating breakfast, I stopped by at a waterfall, to take a shower. I laid my clothes on some rocks to be pummeled my water. It washes them out well enough. After my shower, I waded downstream to catch some fish. I saw some bears in the stream who had the same idea. When they saw me, they ran. I grew angry ever time I saw a bear trying to catch fish. Shorty after I moved to the Rockies with my cabin on my back, they saw me catching fish with my mouth as the slippery buggers jumped up. Soon afterwards, the bears began to copy my method. 

    I caught a fair sized breakfast before long, enough for my polar bear and myself. While I drank my morning jug of coffee, I looked out over the mountains at the city near by. I considered going into town to freak people out, but I realized that I had some serious lumber-jacking to do. So I sipped the last gallon of coffee, and got to work. I started out to jack some lumber, because that's what lumberjacks do. We jack lumber. 

    I had felled five trees in twelve minutes, and was about the start on a sixth. The pointlessness of my task hit me then. I did not do anything with the trees, I just left them where they fell. All I was doing was destroying any green plants still alive here. I thought about this for a while, then started on the sixth tree. I decided to make a longboat. In this longboat, I would ride down the river, storming into the city, forcing them the plant more trees. I nodded my head and grinned in satisfaction. My logic was more than sound, and I really wanted to make a longboat anyway. 

    It was completed in about three hours. I was fully stocked and prepared for her maiden voyage in another hour. I pushed the ship away from the bank, ready for a moderately thrilling ride. I went down several waterfalls without a problem, but I then came to the city. No one looked at me twice as I sailed down the stream of green slime they called a 'river.' They felt no fear. This was strange. Everyone feared me. I went home after yelling at them for a while. It was upriver, so I had to carry it all the way back up. 

    My day was moderately eventful, and I felt what I assume boring people feel when they need to sleep. So I stood in the middle of my cabin, and rested.